You are my everything. (1/1)

Hello, angels. It has been a long time since I last published a chapter. You guys are probably not even interested in this story anymore but I always come back to it because I feel at home writing it. I was away from home due to personal problems, but I want to believe that this time I am back to face what comes with courage. I missed SHINee's comeback but I'm here to keep playing their music that I love.

Well, I hope you like this chapter, I will not rated M as it an adult content because the smut I wrote is not very descriptive because I am bad at it, so just a warning. Hehe.Song #9You are my everything, My passionate love is for youEven when the seasons chance, I will be hereInside my stopped heart there is only one love – You are my everything.The drive home late at night was lonely and quiet, with no cars on the road or noise to dull the thoughts in your head, angel.My own exhaustion caused my body to fall against the car seat heavily, one hand on the wheel and the other in my lap while, a thousand times, I thought that I could be braver and reach out for your hand to hold it and say, without the need for words, that you were not alone at a time like this, but your absent gaze was fixed on the landscape we left behind on the way back to the dorm, and then I knew that your mind could not soon let go of the memory of your mother telling you that you had hurt your brother. Or maybe you never would. At the same time, I assumed that I would never understand how the shadows of her love, the one she had for you, caught you both in a cold and endless night, like running in circles away from one each other, without knowing where you two were going, adrift and in complete darkness until the bond that united you broke; definitely, and I believed forever, because now I really understood, that it was her ice cold words that completely wiped out your power to trust people.And it made sense, a lot of sense actually."Are you hungry, angel? We can stop to buy something on the way home. How about gamja hot dog? I know how much you like them."Your gaze never strayed to me."Uh, no thanks. I'm not really hungry, Jinki." Lost in your own deep thoughts, I assumed that your mind was running until you were exhausted, without letting you rest for a second while you, perhaps, were asking yourself what went wrong in your family to bring you to this cruel moment. "Did you ever think about your future when you were younger?" You whispered weakly, as if the night had taken away all the strength you had in your body. "I don't know, establish I mean, like having a family and stuff."Although you did not glance in my direction at any time, I could see you, and I knew that all your attention was on me, although the question was asked lightly, pretending, as if it did not have a deep meaning. Yet even before I knew I was doing it, my hand clenched against the wheel, and I couldn't help but feel like a liar, the most blatant in the world. Why was today different if I lied to you every day by not telling you the truth about who I once was for you? It wasn't my intention to lie to you, but I couldn't tell you that I had fantasized about us and a family, so many times that I couldn't count them anymore, and about our marriage, about having our own home and a baby one day.I knew that your question was not directed at me, but at the illusion which every person enters a marriage, believing that everything will be fine and that it will last forever. An illusion, a desire, or a hope that we keep inside us, asking, or sometimes, with a history like yours, praying that everything is different, better.“I guess I did it a couple of times. You know, getting married and have a family of my own. May I ask you why?""Well..." You thought about your answer for a few seconds, but in the end it was as if you ran into a wall and no words. "I don't know. I don't remember thinking about that. I try to remember. but… I feel like I've never really thought about it."I don't remember, I try to remember. I slid my tongue over my parched lips. Those words managed to take my breath away, as if a great weight fell on me until I was breathless. Me, Thinking of you, trying to remember passages of your life that were hidden in the shadows of your memory, was a painful sensation.“I want to believe that you start thinking about the future when you meet the right person. It happened to me with you." I smiled, like a silly person, because there was never a place to be shy since we met.You chuckled."That is cheesy.""No, that is my truth for you."As if my words had a positive effect on you, you shifted places, little by little, until your body was back leaning against the seat, your gaze straight ahead, your elbow still against the car window, and your thoughts still on the landscape in front of us."I think you look hot driving like that, I think your confidence is very hot."I almost choked on my own tongue as I heard you laugh."I'm sorry." You chuckled. "You wanted the truth."On the way to the apartment, you repeated the words that I wanted you not to say to anyone again, ever, that you were sorry, but I felt that someday again, you could face your mother when you were really ready to do it because right now, she had taken you by surprise, off guard, just the same day that Jinwoo and I had fought over you. And that had not been an easy thing to take. I also knew that it would not be easy for you to see her again, angel, maybe because she shot old and painful memories of that accident and the way she abandoned you after that, so I knew that you had the right to be afraid and sad, and even, not being able to talk about it for now. But since giving up was not our style, I decided that I would wait until you really wanted to talk about what happened there at the hotel, if you wanted to do it at some point in the night, or in our lives.

“You were brave trying. What happened there would not have been easy for anyone, so I think you really are very brave." I said seriously, and looked at you for a few seconds before looking forward again, catching your disappointment and a sad smile as well.–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––"It is nice to see you smiling, angel." I squeezed your hand as we walked down the hall to the apartment, opening the door for you. I turned the lights on and off on our way from the entrance to the kitchen hall, where I finally stopped."Go to the room and change your clothes, angel." I tightened my arms on your shoulders from behind, giving you a little bit of my love before letting you go. "I'm going to prepare some tea for you. Okay? Then we will go to sleep. And tomorrow, everything will be okay again."You nodded and walked away.With a long, weary sigh, I headed into the kitchen to pour hot water from the thermos into a white porcelain mug, thinking deeply about the harm a mother could do to a child, her own child. It had taken your mother 9 months to form your heart, angel, and only a couple of seconds and harsh words to break it into a thousand pieces as if it was nothing. Although I was taken by surprise by the cruelty of her words, a small part of me felt bad for her as well, but that part was fading under the thought of her hurting the person I loved the most.When the tea was ready, I walked down the hall to our room."Angel?" I nocked before entering so as not to invade your privacy and the distance that you had put between you and me, and the rest of the world right now."Come in."I walked in, closed the door behind me and left the steaming cup beside the clock on the night table of our dark room. You were sitting in the middle of the bed, your naked legs falling from the edge as your lost gaze traveled back to the past. I knelt in front of you and took your hands in mine, resting our own in your knees. I could see the tears behind your eyes, hurting your mind and soul, but you tried to be stronger than them: however, you bit your lips, fighting the rush of tears that followed, and your body trembled crudely trying to contain them, keeping them inside you, so that way nothing would come out, because if that happened, you would give up on everything, including yourself. "Everything will be fine, angel." I whispered stroking your knuckles, but you weren’t able to look at me yet. "I love you, I promise you everything will be fine."My words made you press your lips together and swallow your tears, as if they were hurting you even more than your mother’s. But that was the end for you, because you couldn’t hold it any longer, so you gave in, my love: there was too much pain in your heart for you to live with it inside you, so it made you fall, hard. You drop my hands aside and knelt on the floor in front of me, hugging me tight by the neck, hiding your face in it to finally cry, so hard, so painfully that I couldn’t believe someone could cry the way you did tonight, but you did it, angel, letting go a pain that was hurting you so much."I'm so sorry, angel." I hugged you even more, giving your body the heat it needed right now. "Leave out the pain, Oppa is here."Finally, I felt you were able to let go of everything. Your heart was finally crying too, and it hurt me so much looking at you like this. I couldn’t do much but to hug you. I couldn't recognize you: I, myself, was getting used to seeing you so strong all the time, so hard with people you didn't know, without feelings that I forgot you were hiding, with this big secret all this time. In this moment, I wished I had a super power, the ability to take away all the pain in you and pass it on to me so that you would be nothing but happy, my love. But I cried with you because I couldn’t do anything else, making me feel so worthless. But when you look up, you looked at me with sad eyes, wiping my own tears with your soft fingers. And you, taking a shaky breath, took a shoe box from the bed and opened it; taking some of the newspaper from that night that you had collected all this time."Did you hear what she said about me? Don't you care?... she said I kill my brother."But I shook my head."It was an accident. I love you, angel, I don't believe what she said. I will not leave you."My words made you cried harder."Don't repeat that, please. I lost my family and I lost everything I had, and I can't keep losing, that's why I don't want to have you."I licked my dry lips, shaking my head before speaking."You shouldn't be afraid of losing me, angel, because I'm the one who will never let you go. Never."You took a newspaper, showing it to me so I could read the title. Fatal accident shook the Hamilton family, Juliette Hamilton exceeded the rate of alcohol allowed.I knew what you were doing: you tried to turn yourself into a kind of monster in my eyes, so that I would see you as a bad person, a terrible person, a murderer. But I knew that you were not that, however, I understood in the speed of a second, that I had to confront you harshly to make you say the words you really wanted to say: your true words, your true feelings about everything. “I did what I did. Can’t you see it?”“You did not!”“Yes I did!”I looked at you silently, because I knew you didn't want to keep lying, angel, but doing so was the only way to protect your heart."What do you expect from me then, angel? You want the divorce? Fine. I'll sign whatever you want." I inhaled deeply, looking at you harshly while playing my part. "In a couple of months we will forget this happened. All this must seem so unpleasant to you that you'll soon forget it. At the end you were right; this contract..." I put a hand over my heart. "Didn't work for you." Your eyes crystallized with tears that broke my heart, but I had to stay in my role. Everything was happening so fast, that I coudn't see clearly. "Aren't you going to respond to what I said? You always knew exactly what to say to get me away from you."You shook your head, speechless, so I frowned and laughed bitterly."I just broke my heart talking to you in the hardest way that I could. And you're not going to say anything? Why you are not the same cold person who made it clear that you would never love me? Why don't you tell me that my hopes for you to love me were just a lie? or that it was stupid to even think that one day you and I could start a family? How pathetic is loving someone who doesn't love you back? How pathetic is to tell the person that desperately wants to get away from you; I would give everything I have away if that assures me that you won't suffer anymore? I don't know how long we need to love someone, but I love you, not her, YOU. You just came into my life and got under my skin. I need you so much that scares me to think about having a life without you, but... I'll let you fly free from this marriage, but you have to do something first; look at me and tell me that you feel nothing for me. Why don't you make things less painful for me and say something to kill me? Just tell me you don't love me. Just do it, Juliette. Do it.""Please, stop..." You said breathlessly, neither of us able to believe that I was talking to you like that."Why don't you just said it? You're good at being bad-""Please. Just shut up!" Finally, you looked away from the floor to my eyes. You were so angry, your cheeks were so red, and your breathing so heavy like never before. "Just shut up! Please! Shut up! I'm in love with you. Okay?! So much that I would do anything for you. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you want me to say?! What do you want of me, uh? Do you want me to tell you that I am going to love you forever?"And I looked at you as surprised as you were. And all we could do was to look at each other because we just opened a door to let in a new feeling.In a second, I took your face in my hands and crushed my lips against yours. At this moment, you and I were tempting fate, playing with fire until it burned our fingers that hold each other's body: my hands on your waist to imprison you until I pulled you into my lap, while your soft legs resting on my firm thighs were the hottest experience I have ever had, giving me an erotic friction to awaken the desire that inhabited in me all this time."I'm sorry, angel." I whispered breathing hard against your lips. "I didn't want to get that far. I didn't want to talk to you that way but it was the only option. As a good husband is my duty to know everything about you, and something that I learned from you is that you can not help but say what you feel when you are under pressure."You licked your lips before talking, and I could see the fear in your gaze."I... I had to change. But since I met you all changed again, Jinki. It was thanks to you that I wanted to return to who I was. But... uh, there is more. There's something I didn't tell anyone about the accident. And if after listening you're not upset, I want you to know I want be with you."You pulled away from me, biting your lip so hard I was afraid it was going to bleed."It wasn't me who was driving that night."I blinked confused, my mind going blank.“What?” "Yeah… uh… We were in a club that night, but I went there just to take care of my brother. I don't know what happened, whatever I was drinking, someone changed it  because the next thing I remember is that he was driving in the rain. My brother would be who inherited the business even when I was the oldest. I don't want to be the successor to Dad, I want to study medicine and help people, he said to me that night. If that happened, the companies would be mine. You should tell him, I said. Dad needed one of us. And being the last of the children I had to, he answered. Jeremy didn't want to realize his dream at the expense of his sister, but I would do anything for him so I told him that I would take over the company. But suddenly… a lightning lit up the night sky, and then disappeared in a white flash that I will never forget." You sat on the floor, like you gave up, so tired of life. “The car was upside down and we were in a huge pool of blood when I woke up. He was awake and said he was sorry, that dad would kill him for it and would never allow him to become a doctor. So I did it, I told him we will tell everyone I was driving, so dad would make me take care of the family business. I told him that I'll suffocate him with the pillow if he talked about that. Then, the last thing I heard was the ambulance.”When you were done, we were silent for a moment that seemed eternal."I was unconscious for days." You continued after a while. "Broken bones, bruises, some internal damage, and my brother was in a coma. The world believed the whole story. And the day I woke up... mom blamed me for it before I could say something, and I thought, I knew that love was a lie. I didn't bother to correct anything, and if it happened the other way around, people would have seen my brother in the same way that people see me. Mom couldn't bear to know that Jeremy was the one driving that night."I didn’t know what to say."Why didn't you tell the truth, angel?""When I heard that Jeremy wouldn't wake up, something in me died. Nothing made sense, so I let them think what they wanted. Besides, it was my duty to protect him, but i failed. I know that was no excuse for acting like I did all these years, but what about be good and good things will happen? I had to change to survive. I felt like I was just an empty shell. Without soul or heart. Nobody could understand what my brother means to me and they never will. To the world's eyes... the accident was my fault.""No.” I said firmly. “Don't ever say that. When I saw the accident on the news, not even for a second I thought that was your fault, never."You closed your eyes when the tears overcame you again, hugging me on the way not to fall. "I love you, Jinki."I kissed your neck, softly with my hands on your waist... leaving kisses from your neck to your lips. Softly. Kindly."What happened that night was just an accident. So don't let that change what I see in you; you're so beautiful, inside and out, you're smart, you're funny, and you don't have to pretend it doesn't hurt, because I'm here. You are more than you think. I gave you my heart, angel, and you can do whatever you want with it. Everything will be different from now on, I can promise you that. I want you to understand that I will never let you go. I love you, my little angel. I'll be here, I will never leave."Taking you in a hot but soft kiss, I took your brave response to hold you by the waist to get to your feet, taking you in my arms and toward the bed as we were about to make love for the first time. Hidden in the dark night, my possessive side emerges like one more shadow and my mind was clouded with the only desire to hold you without letting anything get in the way. I pushed myself against you, your legs open and meeting me in the middle with open arms hugging my back. Your body shook when my tongue found a sensitive spot on your neck, growling at your sweet taste and the sounds you made because of me, and only for me. Your cheeks were flushed with desire, letting out a moan of satisfaction as you pulled my shirt off my body, doing the same thing with yours next. “It is okay if I touch you here?” I asked, my hand finding his way to the valley of your breast.Your hand on mine gave me the courage and permission to feel your body, as if it belonged to me from now on.The feeling of lust was a cloud that covered my thoughts as we both begun to remove the clothes we still had on. As I sat down on the bed, I took you with me to keep kissing you as my hands were searching blindly for the button and zip of my own pants. Then, my hands found the corners of your shorts, the last garment you had on."Are you sure about this, angel?" I whispered against your lips, taking the exhale from yours."Yes. Take me, make me yours, I don't want to be anyone else's."I could feel the knot in my stomach in anticipation of what was to come and the tingling between my legs as I looked at you with desire, making everything around us disappear in that instant. Sliding my hands over your sensitive body to kiss your exposed skin, I took you with me so you could sit on my naked lap, letting you taking all control of this new situation, for both of us. My tongue inside your mouth made you moan, while your gaze, warm as the color of autumn, looked at me adoringly. Your straight hair impregnated your aroma of apple and vanilla. I kept my hands around your lower back to helped you be comfortable with me inside of you, your legs around my waist getting tightened as we begun to move slowly. The painful pleasure made you moan against my ear, making me thrust harder every time you called out my name. The sigh of your mouth was addictive, and the way you looked at me made it all the more intense, so intense that you had to dig your black painted nails into my back when I hit the most sensitive spot on your body. My hips hit you nonstop, over and over again when I felt you near the edge after a while.As there were no more garments to prevent us from becoming one, my hands slide up and down your back, pushing you slightly up and towards me to strike the center of your being, causing you to tighten your arms around my shoulders as I got us falling off the edge of climax. My back was toned under your little hands, and the sounds I made against your neck were an exciting melody, a sound I drowned against your body on my way to release.Your mouth fell against my shoulder, drowning out the forbidden sounds coming from between your lips, the sight of your eyes disappeared when you closed them and your mouth opened with a hot moan as I made you cum too. It was then that you lost control, angel, burying your face against my neck when you finally cum, feeling me release inside you with a long push, while, on the way down from that euphoria, your grip on my hair lost strength. Finally, with you in my arms, I lay you down on the bed to support part of your weight against my bare chest as we both fell from a high and sweet ecstasy. My touch on your skin was soft, delicate and affectionate, and I assumed that this was how a lover must be after making love for the first time.“We should do that again.” You said after a while, your chest rising and falling rapidly, and I couldn't help but laugh."Maybe in a while.” I said while looking for the corners of our bed blanket to cover our bodies. “I think I could get used to doing this all the time. But now you need to rest.”You smiled and chuckled, and it was the most beautiful sound in the world as you nestle against me, my right arm as your pillow while the other draws circles on your bare back. As the minutes pass, your tired eyes finally close as you begin to travel to the land of dreams.“I’m yours now, angel. That means you can never leave me.” I whispered, and you smiled softly.“I won’t. I promise.”I really believed that we would sleep through the night until the next morning until the others arrived, but a few hours later, you were half asleep and half awake. I knew you had too many thoughts in your head that kept you from resting, angel, and they were too bad for me to easily chase them away."Do you want to talk about what happened, angel?" I asked, lying on my right side like you still used my arm as a pillow."What happened here or what happened there?" You smirked, maliciously as my hand found your low waist to draw you to me."Funny."You chuckled, though that laugh died fast.“I don't know what I will actually do. I would like to say that it is easier not to see mom again so I don't risk getting hurt again, but let's face it, she is my mom and she is still family so I will continue to see her. I want to think that one day we will be able to reach an agreement so that our meetings don't end as it did a moment ago. Do you think we can do it?"My brows drew together in concern.“I really hope so, angel. But if I can be honest, I'm on the side where you tell your mom what really happened with Jeremy.""I know." You sighed deeply. “It's just not easy. Jeremy knew that mom would not forgive him for what happened, she was always very hard on us in her attempt to make us live up to the expectations of being the children of a famous architect. In the end we didn't meet it except for Jason. Who'd say? Considering Jeremy was always the golden boy.""For me you are the best.""I know." You said with an air of false self-centeredness.I chuckled and pulled you even closer to me."I love you, angel.""I know." You whispered smiling. "I love you too."–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––Hello everyone! It's been a long time since I published a chapter. A lot of things have happened to me during this time, but I'm back to stay this time.Well... I really hope you like this. (I'm sorry for the grammatical errors hehehe) But don't forget to subscribe or leave a comment. Everything is welcome. Love Youuuu ♥ X O X O - V.